CRACKER WHACK
Originally posted sometime in Februaryish.
CRACKER WHACK
When: THURSDAY-8:10 p.m.
Where: Cinnamon Tree Lounge
Come this Thursday, and you will be introduced to a most ancient and honorable art—the dueling game of Cracker Whack. “What is Cracker Whack?” you ask “Why would I want to whack a cracker? What could possibly be fun about whacking a poor, selfless, humble little saltine cracker?” Yes, a cracker by itself seems quite boring to whack—I should know. I once whacked 360 packages of crackers without stopping, thinking it would be a great diversion. And boy was it!! Man, it felt great, and made me feel important!! To be able to totally crush, maim, and destroy something so completely does wonders for the self esteem. Now—imagine the fun of destroying something with the added challenge, of a cracker moving and dodging your every blow. Once you do that, Whacking Crackers takes on the same feel of hunting large game animals. That’s what Cracker Whack is all about!!
Cracker Whack, like all of our previous activities, is rooted in ancient rituals and customs. It started as a way for Romans to train their children to be better soldiers and fighters. They would take saltine crackers—yes, they had saltine crackers back then, saltines being the most ancient and venerable of staple foods—and use donkey hairs to tie the crackers onto multiple parts of their children’s bodies, these parts being the nose, eyebrows, chin, ears, and each of the pinkie toes. These parts were chosen because the Romans considered them to be points of vulnerability, the most vulnerable being the eyebrows. A man (or woman) who lacked eyebrows was considered to be the lowest of the low in Roman society. All of their greatest leaders had wonderfully bushy eyebrows and men and women with unibrows were considered to have divine ancestry. For this reason, they trained their children to attack these members of the body. After the saltines had been tied on their bodies thus, the children were given rolls of old discarded papyrus, and they proceeded to whack the heck out of those crackers!! This is Cracker Whack!! Modern versions of it are more fast paced—instead of multiple crackers, only one is now used, and it is placed behind the person, on their bum, so as to make it harder to reach. It makes the game more enjoyable for spectators, and is also less costly for the team owners. Modern equipment remains roughly the same, with newspaper now being used in place of papyrus, and a frictionless string has replaced now antiquated donkey hair. So remember the history of Cracker Whack when you come—so even if you don’t appreciate it for the thrill of playing an intense sport, at least come and participate for the sake of learning!!
CRACKER WHACK
When: THURSDAY-8:10 p.m.
Where: Cinnamon Tree Lounge
Come this Thursday, and you will be introduced to a most ancient and honorable art—the dueling game of Cracker Whack. “What is Cracker Whack?” you ask “Why would I want to whack a cracker? What could possibly be fun about whacking a poor, selfless, humble little saltine cracker?” Yes, a cracker by itself seems quite boring to whack—I should know. I once whacked 360 packages of crackers without stopping, thinking it would be a great diversion. And boy was it!! Man, it felt great, and made me feel important!! To be able to totally crush, maim, and destroy something so completely does wonders for the self esteem. Now—imagine the fun of destroying something with the added challenge, of a cracker moving and dodging your every blow. Once you do that, Whacking Crackers takes on the same feel of hunting large game animals. That’s what Cracker Whack is all about!!
Cracker Whack, like all of our previous activities, is rooted in ancient rituals and customs. It started as a way for Romans to train their children to be better soldiers and fighters. They would take saltine crackers—yes, they had saltine crackers back then, saltines being the most ancient and venerable of staple foods—and use donkey hairs to tie the crackers onto multiple parts of their children’s bodies, these parts being the nose, eyebrows, chin, ears, and each of the pinkie toes. These parts were chosen because the Romans considered them to be points of vulnerability, the most vulnerable being the eyebrows. A man (or woman) who lacked eyebrows was considered to be the lowest of the low in Roman society. All of their greatest leaders had wonderfully bushy eyebrows and men and women with unibrows were considered to have divine ancestry. For this reason, they trained their children to attack these members of the body. After the saltines had been tied on their bodies thus, the children were given rolls of old discarded papyrus, and they proceeded to whack the heck out of those crackers!! This is Cracker Whack!! Modern versions of it are more fast paced—instead of multiple crackers, only one is now used, and it is placed behind the person, on their bum, so as to make it harder to reach. It makes the game more enjoyable for spectators, and is also less costly for the team owners. Modern equipment remains roughly the same, with newspaper now being used in place of papyrus, and a frictionless string has replaced now antiquated donkey hair. So remember the history of Cracker Whack when you come—so even if you don’t appreciate it for the thrill of playing an intense sport, at least come and participate for the sake of learning!!
posted by CT at 9:40 AM
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