A Freakin’ Huge Barbeque
last flyer EVER. So far.
A Freakin’ Huge Barbeque
When: 5:00 post-meridian (in the pm) on Sunday the 16th of September, 2007 CE.
Where: The Grassy Knoll – you know – that flat place with more mud than grass, which is infested with mosquitoes, making porch sitting a difficult activity. If you do not know where the knoll is, please call the Cinnamon Tree Office (801-373-8023) and ask them about the knoll. They love answering all your questions, questions like, “What is a knoll? Where does grass come from? Should I eat my CheeriosTM with bananas or strawberries?” No, this will not annoy them, for the office people dearly love you and will do anything to help you stay tenants.
What: This is a BARBEQUE. But it is NOT a ward-sponsored event. Moochers are not just highly discouraged, they are NOT ALLOWED. No, not at all. No exceptions. Unless you plan to commit to being our significant other for at least 41 hours you will not get free food. In order to partake of the food you must either bring: 1) $1.50 to cover the cost of the meat 2) a side-dish.
First off, let us discuss what will be occurring at this barbeque. Many of you may not know exactly what a barbeque is, but it is rather simple and complex at the same time. Simply put, a barbeque is throwing large chunks of uncooked meat on top of a grill. Underneath said grill is chunks of wood or charcoal, spewing forth some delicious toxins, as well as spewing forth mighty amounts of thermal energy (entropy if you will). This thermal energy is used to denature the proteins of said meat, which makes it edible, and the toxins are used to flavor saidmeat and make it delicious. The result is tender, delicious, savory meat which is delicious to the tongue, and produces wonderful aromatic molecules which will bind with receptor molecules on your olfactory nerves, causing a chemical change which your brain will respond to by saying, “Oh my freaking golly heck! What is that smell? I must consume whatever is causing it!”
Some people, when they think of barbeques, think “Sweet – hamburgers and hot dogs.” And yes, that would be true of a normal little family get together barbeque. But look up at the title – this is a Freakin’ Huge barbeque. Freaking as in “unusually different, weird, strange, a thing which gets noticed because it is not the norm”, and that’s what this barbeque is – a freak when compared to those little hot dog roasts at family picnics. Yes, hamburgers will be there, but these hamburgers won’t be any of those little tiny wussy things you find at McDonaldsTM, no these will be 1 pound hamburgers. We will also have: Pork (16 pounds of it) Turkey (a whole 16-pound turkey smoked on a grill), Sauerbraten, and 12 pounds of spare ribs. Vegetables may possibly be there if brought by others. Said vegetables will be confiscated and thrown on the grill in order to make them “more toxin-filled and more delicious”. Either that or they will be battered and deep fat fried. You can’t party with healthy food! A party with healthy food is like a date where you double with your parents: awkward, stressful, and just plain wrong.
Speaking of unhealthy, Brandon Betenson, will be selling drinks starting tomorrow for 50 cents per can, (cheaper & more reliable than the vending machines). The drinks will then be continually on sale from apt. 57.
This has been the ultimate Farmer Fresh Flyer production. Farmer Fresh, the original 76th Ward Flyers Committee, proudly misused a mixture of truth & falsehoods to bring a superior brand of semi-truthinessTM to the world, where plain old truth was not up to snuff.
When: 5:00 post-meridian (in the pm) on Sunday the 16th of September, 2007 CE.
Where: The Grassy Knoll – you know – that flat place with more mud than grass, which is infested with mosquitoes, making porch sitting a difficult activity. If you do not know where the knoll is, please call the Cinnamon Tree Office (801-373-8023) and ask them about the knoll. They love answering all your questions, questions like, “What is a knoll? Where does grass come from? Should I eat my CheeriosTM with bananas or strawberries?” No, this will not annoy them, for the office people dearly love you and will do anything to help you stay tenants.
What: This is a BARBEQUE. But it is NOT a ward-sponsored event. Moochers are not just highly discouraged, they are NOT ALLOWED. No, not at all. No exceptions. Unless you plan to commit to being our significant other for at least 41 hours you will not get free food. In order to partake of the food you must either bring: 1) $1.50 to cover the cost of the meat 2) a side-dish.
First off, let us discuss what will be occurring at this barbeque. Many of you may not know exactly what a barbeque is, but it is rather simple and complex at the same time. Simply put, a barbeque is throwing large chunks of uncooked meat on top of a grill. Underneath said grill is chunks of wood or charcoal, spewing forth some delicious toxins, as well as spewing forth mighty amounts of thermal energy (entropy if you will). This thermal energy is used to denature the proteins of said meat, which makes it edible, and the toxins are used to flavor saidmeat and make it delicious. The result is tender, delicious, savory meat which is delicious to the tongue, and produces wonderful aromatic molecules which will bind with receptor molecules on your olfactory nerves, causing a chemical change which your brain will respond to by saying, “Oh my freaking golly heck! What is that smell? I must consume whatever is causing it!”
Some people, when they think of barbeques, think “Sweet – hamburgers and hot dogs.” And yes, that would be true of a normal little family get together barbeque. But look up at the title – this is a Freakin’ Huge barbeque. Freaking as in “unusually different, weird, strange, a thing which gets noticed because it is not the norm”, and that’s what this barbeque is – a freak when compared to those little hot dog roasts at family picnics. Yes, hamburgers will be there, but these hamburgers won’t be any of those little tiny wussy things you find at McDonaldsTM, no these will be 1 pound hamburgers. We will also have: Pork (16 pounds of it) Turkey (a whole 16-pound turkey smoked on a grill), Sauerbraten, and 12 pounds of spare ribs. Vegetables may possibly be there if brought by others. Said vegetables will be confiscated and thrown on the grill in order to make them “more toxin-filled and more delicious”. Either that or they will be battered and deep fat fried. You can’t party with healthy food! A party with healthy food is like a date where you double with your parents: awkward, stressful, and just plain wrong.
Speaking of unhealthy, Brandon Betenson, will be selling drinks starting tomorrow for 50 cents per can, (cheaper & more reliable than the vending machines). The drinks will then be continually on sale from apt. 57.
posted by CT at 4:36 PM
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