14 - Spring Opening Social

This was my first introductory flyer - so that I wouldn't confuse the crap out of new people moving into the ward.

SPRING OPENING SOCIAL

When: This Wednesday, April 28^th, 7:30 P.M. Meet in the lounge at 7:00 p.m. for rides if you don’t have one

Where: Stadium Chapel

What: A Huge Game of Ward Guess Who Will Be Played, Prizes will be Handed Out For The Winners And Refreshments For Everybody, Including the ‘losers’

Okay, First of all, a little explanation for those of you who are new to the ward, and new to these flyers. First rule: Everything above the line up above is always true. 96.75% of ideas found below that line are false. Which leads you to one question: Is the First Rule true or false? If you have any questions, ask Rachel in #55 (phone 2555) or Derrick in #32 (phone 2532). They are our current Flyer Fact Determiners, and will guide you on the path to truth and enlightenment. If anything on this flyer is false, they will be the ones to let you know. If anything on this flyer is true, they will still be the ones to let you know. Now that you are assured of being able to determine the veracity of these flyers – ON WITH THE SHOW!!

This week’s activity will be the opening social for Spring. As always activities are slightly set with an underlying theme: Getting us to meet attractive members of the opposite gender so that we might fall in love, and become married. This has already worked on some of the current ward members. In order for us to become like them, we will be playing one giant game of ‘Ward Guess Who’. To start this game off, first the engaged people will come up and introduce themselves and tell us their success stories, much in the same way that multi-level marketing schemes work. Notice I said, schemes not scams. In this case, this program WILL WORK!! It is guaranteed or you will receive 37% of your money back. Then we will proceed into the game. This game is designed to motivate us to remember everybody’s names in the ward. They say knowing the name of the person that you’re attracted to is half the battle on your path to marriage. That’s what ‘they’ say. Who ‘they’ are we don’t know, but we trust them, and have faith that they’re telling us the truth. ‘They’ also say that a very large prize will be the reward for winners of this game. Once again, we must have faith that this is true. If a small prize is rewarded instead of a big one, you will not receive your money back, nor can you sue the 76^th Ward Flyer Committee for mental and emotional damages. Even if it is only a small prize, attending this activity will still bring forth many side benefits, such as bringing joy and happiness into your life, an increase of grey matter and intelligence as your brain works hard to solve the puzzles of the game, and most of all, you will be able to learn the names of each and every person that lives in this ward, and start on your path towards marriage and eternal companionship. Who, besides Satan and his angels, would want to miss out on these? Brothers and Sisters, this social is being held for your benefit, not for your detriment, and I guarantee that you will grow in some way by attending it. I don’t know how, but darn it, I know that you will!! And isn’t that what life’s all about?

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